What I've Learned Since Becoming a Dad

Last Sunday was Father’s Day, and it was my second one to celebrate. I’ve been a dad now for 15 months, and a lot has changed in my life. Over the last year and a bit, I’ve learned things about myself, and I’ve learned lessons along the way, about being a better father, a better husband, and a better man. And over the course of fatherhood I’m sure I will be learning more, but in the short time that I’ve been a dad, there have been a few things I’ve learned.

 

Responsibilities: Gotta Get Shit Done.

                 I think this is pretty obvious, but there are dead beat dads in the world who haven’t assumed responsibility. This has been a huge thing for me. Responsibility was easier before: take care of wifey, take care of myself, make sure we’re happy. Having a child in your life throws everything you thought about responsibility out the window. I find myself putting my needs on the back burner more often for the needs of my family.

                Having a little one at home, you start thinking how am I going to provide for him? Will I be able to give him what he needs and wants? What about RESP’s, education, life insurance to make sure he’s taken care of when I’m gone? Do I create a will? There’s more to think about when you have a kid.

     

Priorities: What’s Most Important in Life

                As I alluded to in responsibilities, I’ve been putting my family ahead of myself. Priorities have changed now. Before my son, I was athletically inclined. My goal, my focus was triathlons. How to race faster, what do I need to eat, how do I support my own pursuits. Redline Conditioning was an idea that I  started, but I never really started, if you want know what I mean. I wanted to race, to compete with the best, and whatever I did for a job was to support my dream. But after holding that little boy in my hands, everything  changed.

                Having a job was one thing, but I felt it wasn’t enough. I didn’t want to work for someone else, I wanted to call my own shots. So Redline Conditioning started to take fruition, because it had to. I no longer wanted to work for someone else. I wanted to be my own boss and take control. I took a step to entrepreneurship because I saw it as a way to financial freedom. And having that freedom will allow me to spend more time with my family, which is at the top of my priority list. Everything I do, I do for them.

                As my son grows, I want to be a part of every aspect of his life. I want him to know that I will be there for him. I will pick him up when he is down. I will encourage him when he needs the boost. Every boy needs a strong father figure, and I want to be that man, that father, who provides it.

 

Time Management: I Didn’t Do Much of It Before, Now I Gotta

                 Since priorities and responsibilities have changed, so has my personal time. I can’t just simply sit for an hour and watch TV or surf the net, or play on my Xbox. Time has become a much more precious commodity, a very valued asset that I can’t just throw away. When I work on projects, I must see it through and give my focus to it. I can‘t diddy daddle. If I do, nothing gets done. And if nothing gets done, it weighs on my mind and seeps into my personal life and my family life. Eating dinner with wifey, or playing with my boy, my mind and my attention isn’t to them, it’s to the unfinished projects.

                I’m now forced to think about my time and not just fritter it away. Like scheduling times to train client, I have to schedule time for myself, for my family, and for growing my business. But it doesn’t always go according to plan. Sometimes I still have unfinished business or projects that affect family time and personal time. But it’s getting better, and that’s the way it should be. I’ll keep learning better and better time management skills. As a father, you have to.

 

Patience: I Thought I Had Some, but Quickly Realized I Had to Develop More

                 I’ve always considered myself a patient person (although wifey would disagree), but I’ve learned I still have room to grow. When your boy throws temper tantrums, refuses to eat, refuses to sleep, won’t stay still while you change him, gets whiny, wakes up in the middle of the night.....you have to learn patience. Getting angry will not help the situation. When they are a baby (toddler now), they don’t know better. They’re not able to communicate what they want all the time. You have to figure it out. That’s where patience comes in. They don’t care if you haven’t slept, or if you’re hungry, or if you’re stressed out. They want to know that they can be comforted by you. And if you come at them angry, one of two thing will happen: they’ll keep doing what they’re doing, or they’ll cry. In either case, you’ll still be angry.

                So remember: everything is for them. Develop patience. It’s not easy, but no one said parenting would be.

Love: Even When They Annoy You, You Still Love Them

                 On the inside, you know you’ll love your child, but deep down you never know how much you’ll love them. I like watching the show Frasier, and there is an episode where Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) is describing the birth of his son. I remember him saying, “you don’t just love your child, you fall in love with them.” It didn't take long for me to have that feeling. Mere days after my son’s birth, I couldn’t agree more with that quote. You do fall in love with your child. They are your flesh and blood and you want to love and protect them forever. Even when they may annoy you, even when they may anger you and test your patience, you’re still in love with them.

                I love my wife to death, and I love her unconditionally, but the love for a child is different. It’s an amazing feeling that only a parent can understand.

 

                Until the day I die, I will always be a parent. Being a father will never stop, and I don’t mind at all. It has taught me many things in a short time, and it will continue to teach me until I’m an old fool sitting in his rocking chair, with wife by my side, reminiscing about "the good ol' days."